writing about family

How Sibling Relationships Change Over Time—and How I Explore Them in My Novels

As the youngest of seven children, I’ve experienced profound and sometimes surprising shifts in my relationships with my siblings. Born seven years after the sibling closest in age to me, I grew up in a family dynamic where my older brothers and sisters initially functioned as secondary parents. They watched over me, set boundaries, and lived in a world I was too young to fully enter.

When I was a child, I couldn’t join in activities like playing Wiffle ball or tagging along with their teenage adventures. I was simply too young. But as time passed, those boundaries slowly dissolved. I became one of their equals—going out for pizza with my brothers, laying out in the sun with my sisters, sharing adult conversations instead of childhood observations.

As we all grew older, our sibling relationships continued to evolve. Eventually, I wasn’t just an equal; I became someone my siblings often turned to for advice, emotional support, and perspective. That transformation—from the youngest who was cared for to a trusted confidant—has deeply shaped my understanding of family dynamics, birth order, and emotional growth.

Exploring Sibling Dynamics in My Fiction

These ever-changing sibling relationships are a central theme throughout my novels, where I explore how family roles shift over time and how love, resentment, protection, and forgiveness coexist.

In Olive Branches Don’t Grow on Trees, Silvia turns to her older brother Cosmo for support and, often unintentionally, for guidance on how to live her life. His influence reflects the way older siblings can shape our worldview, even when they don’t mean to.

That dynamic is reversed in Discovery of an Eagle, where Cosmo finds himself leaning on Silvia for help. The once-protective older sibling becomes vulnerable, illustrating how roles within families are never fixed—they evolve as we do.

In The Bird That Sang in Color, Donna is fiercely protective of her brother Vincent, convinced she knows what’s best for him. Her determination to “improve” his life—while disregarding his own wants and needs—reveals how love can sometimes cross into control. Ultimately, it’s Vincent who saves Donna, turning her assumptions upside down.

Across these novels, the relationship between Angie and Cosmo remains fraught with tension and unresolved conflict. However, toward the end of Discovery of an Eagle, Cosmo offers Angie a heartfelt apology for years of disharmony—a moment that reflects the healing potential of accountability, forgiveness, and emotional honesty within families.

Why These Stories Matter

Through these characters and stories, I explore sibling relationships as living, breathing entities—shaped by time, trauma, love, and growth. Whether it’s the youngest child finding her voice or older siblings learning to let go of control, these novels reflect the truth I’ve lived: family relationships are never static, and transformation is always possible.

Enjoy the scene below from Discovery of an Eagle:

“Hey, Angie,” he said. “It’s Cosmo.” The tone of his voice was sad and remorseful.

“Hey, Cosmo,” Angie said with surprise, her greeting sounding more like a question than a statement. He hoped that she’d say more, but she didn’t. He’d never called her, so she might have been so shocked to get a call from him that she was speechless.

“How’s it going?” he said. It was the only thing he could think to say. It was a conversation starter though, and his sister was good at conversation.

“Good,” she said. “Not so different than when I talked to you last.” Cosmo couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that it was only a week ago when they last talked. He had even forgotten about it until she reminded him. When he talked to her at Frank’s house, he had been forced and had nothing to say to her. Now he had something to say. He just didn’t know how to say it.

“Yeah, twice in one week,” he said, attempting a laugh.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice still sounding puzzled. “Why is that? I mean, I haven’t heard from you for years. So, I have to say, I’m a little surprised.” She certainly had a right to be, and he knew now that he couldn’t stall with what he had to say for another second longer. Silvia was waiting for him, and she really wanted to make it to Portland some time tonight or at least by the early morning hours of tomorrow.

“Well, Silvia and I have to get back on the road, so I don’t have long to talk,” he paused for a few seconds, gathering strength for what he was about to say. “I just wanted to say sorry for beheading your Barbie dolls, and for all the times I called you a stupid girl, and for not accepting the honor of being Isabella’s godfather. And well, I’m just sorry for being such a jerk of a brother to you all these years.”

“Wow,” she said with surprise. “I wasn’t expecting that.” He heard something besides shock in her voice. He could hear her happiness coming through the phone. As far apart and as different as they were, they were still brother and sister, and they could still have a connection and could still hear each other even when the other was silent. He heard her crying, but he could tell that she wasn’t crying out of sadness. She was crying happy tears. “Thank you, Cosmo,” she said through her tears. And then she added, “I’m sorry too, and I love you.”

These were easy words for Angie. Cosmo had heard her say them to every member of their family at least once. He had never said it to anyone that he could remember. It didn’t mean that he didn’t feel love for people. He just couldn’t speak those words so freely. He had written them in a letter to Donna once, and once to a girlfriend he had years ago. When he considered the great infrequency in which he had conveyed those words to the people in his life, he realized that this was one more way in which he had safely shut himself off to the world. What if he and Silvia had died a week ago? What if Angie and everyone he loved died? He would have one more regret to stuff in his big bag of regrets. It might even have been the biggest of all. He couldn’t hold himself in any longer.

“I love you too,” he said. And with those words, the many years of dirty looks, cruel remarks, and bad wishes that they had both had for each other had faded into the air. Just at that second, he looked at Silvia, who looked nervous, undoubtedly about the time. Cosmo was sure that despite her nervousness, she didn’t want to interrupt the exchange between her brother and sister.